Harassment in the Middle East is a big problem. I knew this before coming abroad. But if you were to ask me now what my thoughts on it were in December, I couldn't recall. My experiences in Cairo and Jordan have been way different than I ever expected.
In Arabic, the word for "young men," "young people," or just plain "guys" is شباب shabab. The word is innocent enough for the most part, but when anyone complains about shabab we know exactly what they mean. Not just "guys," but those guys. You know the ones. Well, maybe you reading this might not, but anyone who's ever been to the Middle East knows who those guys are. Let me summarize the different types of shabab and their shababi activities for you, from most harmless to most terrifying:
1. Staring
There are very few shabab who refrain from staring. Whether it's on the street, in a restaurant, with friends, without friends, veiled, unveiled, brown hair, blonde hair, purple hair, beautiful or plain. Shabab seem to think that all women are there to serve as eye-candy. Usually if someone were to stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable in the States, I would stare and glare right back at them until they lowered their eyes. Unfortunately, if I were to do that in Jordan it would only encourage them, so I'm forced to just ignore it and act like it doesn't bother me. But it does bother me. I went to Pizza Hut the other day with a friend, and as I walked to the bathroom, both waiters were blatantly staring at me as I walked by. Do you think I don't have eyes? Do you honestly think I don't see you? How is this appropriate at all?
2. Honking
Taxis will honk at anyone walking on the street to get their attention. Annoying, but whatever. Shabab will honk at any woman walking on the street, especially if she's alone or after dark. I play this game in my head, whenever I hear a honk behind me as I'm walking home from class, I try to guess if it's a taxi or shabab. If it's shabab, I imagine punching them in the face through the passenger side window. Sound kind of extreme? It's the only way I can keep my sanity most of the time. Everyday I would say I get at least 15 honks in the total 30 minutes I'm on the street. And I look Jordanian. Obvious foreigners get even more.
3. Verbal Harassment
Luckily, we can't understand about 90% of what people on the street say, but it's always obvious when shabab are talking about a woman. Sometimes they'll even talk to us (or rather, at us) in English to show off. Ugh. Gag me with a spoon. Sometimes words aren't even needed, they like to hiss at girls, the same kind of sound you'd make to a cat. Wow, they're so clever. Not. Again, I have to ignore it, but I enjoy imagining punching them in the face as they walk by.
4. Serenading
I would put this under Verbal Harassment, except for the fact that A) it actually can be amusing at times but B) it usually requires them to follow you for a longer amount of time. As I was walking home one day, a car slowed down next to me, and all of a sudden four shabab were singing "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias to me. I tried my hardest to ignore them and not giving them the satisfaction, but as soon as they finally passed me I burst out laughing. Jordanians love Enrique. While this was a harmless incident, at night this can be pretty scary.
5. Following/Stalking
This is by far the scariest form of harassment I've been exposed to here. This has only happened to me in short bursts, but my roommate Lauren has unfortunately had to deal with this a lot. Twice she's been followed almost all the way home from the gym, and once a guy tried to follow her up to our apartment. Um, what? I know there are crazies everywhere in the world, but nowhere is this acceptable!
And now, a long rant by me about gender discrimination...
Why is the onus on the women for being modest? In Islam, women are sacred, they are haram. They are to be given the utmost respect. [Granted, I don't feel like a religion needs to command everyone be treated with respect for them to deserve it, but it is part of the religion.] This somehow translates to, "Every woman must cover herself so as not to tempt men." [My interpretation, this isn't from the Qor'an or anything.] Um, why? Why is the woman responsible for what the man does? Why can't the man have self-control and lower his eyes like he is supposed to? If women are actually so sacred, why aren't they treated as such? It's disgusting to me. It's insulting to men too. It's basically saying that men don't have the ability to control themselves, therefore the woman has to be the bigger person and make it easier for them. It makes me sick sometimes.
So why is it like this? I don't feel qualified enough to give an answer to that, but I'll speculate anyway. Most people just say it's culture, tradition. The hot theory right now is that men are so sexually frustrated because of the strict morals of Islam, this harassment is how it manifests. Pardon my French, but I say that's bullshit. You don't die if you don't get laid. Grow up and get over it, is what I say to men who use that as an excuse. Because that's just what it is, an excuse. That's like saying that a rape happened because the man couldn't help himself. Not only is this disgustingly false, it is, again, insulting to the man by telling him that he can't attain that kind of self-control. News flash, I know plenty of guys, both in the Middle East and the US, who have never had sex and also don't treat women like crap. Trust me, ya shabab, it's possible.
My vote is more for the theory that this harassment is so prevalent because guys and girls are not allowed to interact at all past middle school. When I was ten years old, I was just starting to get crushes on guys and showing my feelings by calling boys names and saying they had cooties. If I had been completely separated from boys at that time, I would not have known how to interact with them in the future. And I think that's what's happening here. Yeah, I get it, the whole idea between separating the sexes is to preserve virginity, which is really important here. I don't have a solution. But something needs to be done.
This issue goes way further than just shabab though. Women continuously reenforce this gender discrimination/abuse. Not just in the Middle East but in the West as well. In Jordan, when a woman shares a story about being verbally harassed, frequently the first response is, "Well, what were you wearing?" In the US, when a woman is raped, a standard question is, "What were you wearing?" When will people learn that IT DOES NOT MATTER. And like I mentioned earlier, muhajiba women (women wearing the hijab, the headscarf) are verbally assaulted just like women who choose not to. Shabab are equal opportunity harassers, for the most part.
All this being said, I know plenty of guys in the Middle East who do not fit this characterization of shabab one bit. Just as there are different personalities and degrees of douchebaggery in the US, same here. ["Same same" as Jordanians like to say, I swear it's their favorite English phrase.] I cannot imagine Rimon or Rashad ever treating a woman with anything but the utmost respect, and I know for a fact that Yanal has not a shabab bone in his body. So to you non-shabab men of Egypt and Jordan, I salute you. Keep it up. Men need to be held accountable to a higher standard. No more "Boys will be boys" crap. This issue needs to be talked about more than in just lectures on gender discrimination and among women. The whole society needs to be talking about this.
End rant.
In Arabic, the word for "young men," "young people," or just plain "guys" is شباب shabab. The word is innocent enough for the most part, but when anyone complains about shabab we know exactly what they mean. Not just "guys," but those guys. You know the ones. Well, maybe you reading this might not, but anyone who's ever been to the Middle East knows who those guys are. Let me summarize the different types of shabab and their shababi activities for you, from most harmless to most terrifying:
1. Staring
There are very few shabab who refrain from staring. Whether it's on the street, in a restaurant, with friends, without friends, veiled, unveiled, brown hair, blonde hair, purple hair, beautiful or plain. Shabab seem to think that all women are there to serve as eye-candy. Usually if someone were to stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable in the States, I would stare and glare right back at them until they lowered their eyes. Unfortunately, if I were to do that in Jordan it would only encourage them, so I'm forced to just ignore it and act like it doesn't bother me. But it does bother me. I went to Pizza Hut the other day with a friend, and as I walked to the bathroom, both waiters were blatantly staring at me as I walked by. Do you think I don't have eyes? Do you honestly think I don't see you? How is this appropriate at all?
2. Honking
Taxis will honk at anyone walking on the street to get their attention. Annoying, but whatever. Shabab will honk at any woman walking on the street, especially if she's alone or after dark. I play this game in my head, whenever I hear a honk behind me as I'm walking home from class, I try to guess if it's a taxi or shabab. If it's shabab, I imagine punching them in the face through the passenger side window. Sound kind of extreme? It's the only way I can keep my sanity most of the time. Everyday I would say I get at least 15 honks in the total 30 minutes I'm on the street. And I look Jordanian. Obvious foreigners get even more.
3. Verbal Harassment
Luckily, we can't understand about 90% of what people on the street say, but it's always obvious when shabab are talking about a woman. Sometimes they'll even talk to us (or rather, at us) in English to show off. Ugh. Gag me with a spoon. Sometimes words aren't even needed, they like to hiss at girls, the same kind of sound you'd make to a cat. Wow, they're so clever. Not. Again, I have to ignore it, but I enjoy imagining punching them in the face as they walk by.
4. Serenading
I would put this under Verbal Harassment, except for the fact that A) it actually can be amusing at times but B) it usually requires them to follow you for a longer amount of time. As I was walking home one day, a car slowed down next to me, and all of a sudden four shabab were singing "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias to me. I tried my hardest to ignore them and not giving them the satisfaction, but as soon as they finally passed me I burst out laughing. Jordanians love Enrique. While this was a harmless incident, at night this can be pretty scary.
5. Following/Stalking
This is by far the scariest form of harassment I've been exposed to here. This has only happened to me in short bursts, but my roommate Lauren has unfortunately had to deal with this a lot. Twice she's been followed almost all the way home from the gym, and once a guy tried to follow her up to our apartment. Um, what? I know there are crazies everywhere in the world, but nowhere is this acceptable!
And now, a long rant by me about gender discrimination...
Why is the onus on the women for being modest? In Islam, women are sacred, they are haram. They are to be given the utmost respect. [Granted, I don't feel like a religion needs to command everyone be treated with respect for them to deserve it, but it is part of the religion.] This somehow translates to, "Every woman must cover herself so as not to tempt men." [My interpretation, this isn't from the Qor'an or anything.] Um, why? Why is the woman responsible for what the man does? Why can't the man have self-control and lower his eyes like he is supposed to? If women are actually so sacred, why aren't they treated as such? It's disgusting to me. It's insulting to men too. It's basically saying that men don't have the ability to control themselves, therefore the woman has to be the bigger person and make it easier for them. It makes me sick sometimes.
So why is it like this? I don't feel qualified enough to give an answer to that, but I'll speculate anyway. Most people just say it's culture, tradition. The hot theory right now is that men are so sexually frustrated because of the strict morals of Islam, this harassment is how it manifests. Pardon my French, but I say that's bullshit. You don't die if you don't get laid. Grow up and get over it, is what I say to men who use that as an excuse. Because that's just what it is, an excuse. That's like saying that a rape happened because the man couldn't help himself. Not only is this disgustingly false, it is, again, insulting to the man by telling him that he can't attain that kind of self-control. News flash, I know plenty of guys, both in the Middle East and the US, who have never had sex and also don't treat women like crap. Trust me, ya shabab, it's possible.
My vote is more for the theory that this harassment is so prevalent because guys and girls are not allowed to interact at all past middle school. When I was ten years old, I was just starting to get crushes on guys and showing my feelings by calling boys names and saying they had cooties. If I had been completely separated from boys at that time, I would not have known how to interact with them in the future. And I think that's what's happening here. Yeah, I get it, the whole idea between separating the sexes is to preserve virginity, which is really important here. I don't have a solution. But something needs to be done.
This issue goes way further than just shabab though. Women continuously reenforce this gender discrimination/abuse. Not just in the Middle East but in the West as well. In Jordan, when a woman shares a story about being verbally harassed, frequently the first response is, "Well, what were you wearing?" In the US, when a woman is raped, a standard question is, "What were you wearing?" When will people learn that IT DOES NOT MATTER. And like I mentioned earlier, muhajiba women (women wearing the hijab, the headscarf) are verbally assaulted just like women who choose not to. Shabab are equal opportunity harassers, for the most part.
All this being said, I know plenty of guys in the Middle East who do not fit this characterization of shabab one bit. Just as there are different personalities and degrees of douchebaggery in the US, same here. ["Same same" as Jordanians like to say, I swear it's their favorite English phrase.] I cannot imagine Rimon or Rashad ever treating a woman with anything but the utmost respect, and I know for a fact that Yanal has not a shabab bone in his body. So to you non-shabab men of Egypt and Jordan, I salute you. Keep it up. Men need to be held accountable to a higher standard. No more "Boys will be boys" crap. This issue needs to be talked about more than in just lectures on gender discrimination and among women. The whole society needs to be talking about this.
End rant.
I love you. I agree completely. I think if I was you my head would explode. I salute you for not saying anything (I don't think I could do the same).
ReplyDeleteWell, I do shout at passing cars sometimes if they're really obnoxious, but then I'm just that crazy person yelling at cars, haha.
ReplyDeleteC'est 'bullsheet',n'est ce pas?
ReplyDelete